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My Husband or Wife is a _______
Stop focusing on your spouse - see the Lord
Edward Lee
October 31, 2024
Good Thursday Morning!
What we focus on in our marriage, whether real or imagined, is what we see. When I start “walking” with a couple, in the 1st or 2nd meeting, either husband or wife will let out a sigh and say, Edward, my husband or wife is _________ or he/she always __________. In those blanks could be: controlling, dishonest, unfaithful, or,lies, spends too much, uninterested... Whatever fills in those blanks is what they see when they look at each other. And at least to them - they are right, which is all that matters to them.
Here’s the Point:
“As long as you look at your spouse you will see what you see and be right”.
Over years we can become (at least susceptible to) challenged by knowing our spouse too well. So, labels get developed and applied to a husband or wife over and over again for years, which locks in a cycle of looking, seeing and confirming negative labels - again. So after a few more meetings, he or she will say, “See Ed, there it is right there, I told you they are ________ or they always do ____________.“
It’s in the confirmation of what they believe they see, that the cement or glue of their negative perspectives of their spouse keeps getting cemented. Whether real or imagined, as long as they see what they think they see - negatively - in their spouse the more the feelings take hold.
But!
If we can get our eyes off him or her and instead see Jesus, that’s where we find strength.
To every right or wrong label placed on our husband or wife, earned by years of experience keep 2 things in mind.
As your looking, seeing and confirming labels on your husband and wife, they just might be doing same to you 🤣🤣🤣. Funny but continually cementing separation and distance in the relationship.
Christ’s wisdom gives us the insight we need to rise above the history of what we’ve seen and said for the years of our marriage because at the end of the Sermon on the Mount Christ says: 👇🏽👇🏽
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33
In light of all the points of anxiety Christ addressed in His message, He redirected them and by extension us to make seeking His kingdom and His righteousness first priority. That’s when comfort for every point of anxiety would be applied or added to their life.
So yes, when you say they are lazy, mean or bad with money…maybe you’re right about what you see and say. Yet, even if right, it’s also shutting down the ability to break its grip on your marriage.
So let’s take this up in prayer: Lord help me! Help me see you in everything even in what I see in my husband or wife. Show me You in every label at work in our marriage…
I pray that little nugget was helpful. Just one more thing before I get out of here for this week.
Big Thanks to that checked out the preview of: About This Time Next Year course this past week.
The 5 week LIVE class starts Nov 12th and with room for only 25 couples, spots are filling up so check out the link below and sign up today to: talk better, connect intimately, build trust or improve how you communicate about money in your marriage.
As I was sharing with couple’s on the Zoom preview call the real homerun will be working together to create: Christ Centered Goals, Vision Statements, Mission Statements and Financial 10 Commandments
Have a blessed week, 5 new subscribers added this week. Please keep sharing the newsletter with couples in your circle. https://elevateyourmarriage.beehiiv.com/subscribe