Let Love Be Genuine

…So here is what I shared with Joe and Sarah. You remember them right? They were the real couple that I gave fake names to from last week’s newsletter. They were in year 7 of their marriage but their relationship was still being gummed up by their differing expectations and definitions of “LOVE”. 

The frustration of giving love but it not being understood is super frustrating!! They really were working hard at their marriage, they just meant different things when they meant what they meant. So I spent about a year helping them define, better communicate and reset expectations around LOVE.

What they needed most is what we all need most - God’s Word. Here is 1 of the 3 primary passages that we focussed on:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Romans 12:9-12

This passage isn’t a direct marriage passage. Paul is sharing how Christians love in unlovable, difficult situations. A reality any, every and all Christians that interact with people will face, including married Christians 😇.

The 4 Be’s of Love: To be is a state of being more than a passing feeling. When it comes to love in marriage there are 4 states we pray to reach and “be” at.

1. Be genuine: Let love be genuine. The literal translation of let love be genuine is “love without hypocrisy”. If you’ve seen the icon of theater & stage plan of 2 masks - 1 smiling & 1 sad - they’re hypocrisy. A good actor shows us emotions (masks) of the role they’re playing. Paul literally is saying when it comes to love, be who you are and show your real emotions. Don’t play a role in your marriage… Did you know you can tell your husband or wife, “I don’t like that. That makes me uncomfortable. I really don’t know. Or - I had a rough day and could use some space.”

   Let the love shared in your marriage come from and live in a genuine place. Agree to allow your marriage to be the place where the 2 of you can be genuine - without masks. Because…when people at work ask you how you are doing or how your weekend was, they really want your best hypocritical mask of “fine” or “good”. They don’t genuinely want all the details…😎

2. Be fervent in spirit: Paul then connects the liveliness by which we love, with serving the Lord. Christ loves people where they are, how they are, while also holding a standard. Whew - unpack that in prayer. Love as your spouse needs while maintaining a standard that doesn’t leave you abused.

3. Be patient: Love your spouse for the long term. Let’s not love like waiting for a late bus to show up, instead let’s love waiting on Christ… Be patient in tribulation

4. Be constant in prayer: What did you eat for dinner 🍽️in 2008? As you have no clue what you ate on a random day years ago, you know you ate because you’re still here. No personal weight gain analogies for me here, but even though I don’t remember every meal, clearly I don’t miss meals. Likewise not every prayer for your spouse will feel miraculous in the moment, yet God hears your heart in prayer and little by little your love gains weight 🤣🤣🤣 Be constant - in prayer.