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Grey Areas: Marriage Communication
Getting Rid of a Swell of Marital Frustration
Edward Lee
October 24, 2024
Good Thursday Morning! Last week I shared about the, About This Time Next Year Course coming up in November. I’m super about this course!
As 2024 winds down & inspired by Genesis 18:10 the question is: What can God do in the next year of your marriage, if and as you draw closer to Him? From communication, trust, intimacy and managing money, challenges can creep into a relationship at levels from occasional annoyance to on going big time problem. There are no magic wands 🪄or fairy tale dust🧚♀️, just a simple question is anything to hard for God? Can deeper relationship with Christ as a couple change challenging areas…
If you want to learn more about the course I will be previewing some of the course content via Zoom on Monday (October 28th) at 7pm EST. Topics: 3 Communication Challenges - Developing Spiritual Intimacy - Have Healthy Talks About Money (FYI: Bring Bible or Bible App 😇)
Today, here’s a small sliver of what I will share in Monday’s free preview. Grey Areas
What do these sentences mean:
We need to work on talking better
We need to spend more time together
We need to handle our money better
Let’s go to the mall, I need to pick up a few things
Is, “I will be home at 6” a specific or round about time?
You know what they mean to you, now ask your spouse what they mean - to them. Same or different? The differences in your answers are the grey areas. Where we hear, in this case read, the same thing and yet they don’t mean the same the thing.
In my own 21 years of marriage we’ve experienced this 1,000,000 times (just yesterday alone 🤣). And maybe you have too: We say 1 thing, our spouse hears and interprets something completely different. And, these grey areas are where, “You never listen to a word I say” and “No matter what I do, I can never please you” come from.
We need to spend more time together:
Years ago I met a guy on the golf course that was going through a divorce. His wife had told him she wanted them to spend more time together. Being a good husband he changed his work schedule, started getting home by 6 and having dinner with the family every night for about a month.
Then she exploded on him, “I told you I needed to spend more time together and you haven’t done anything at all to change”. He shot back, “What! I have made all these changes, you are impossible, you are just never satisfied”.
Problem: They were talking about 2 different things - for a month. She meant 1 thing, he thought she meant something else so they spent a month going in different directions, thinking they were going the same direction.
Him: She means family dinner and family time.
Her: Weekends away, just the 2 of us, husband and wife - without the kids or work interruptions.
The grey area in their communication led to a “swell of frustration”, where she felt her request was unheard and he felt his efforts were unappreciated…
I can hear you as you read 🙉 and you’re right she should have been clearer and he shouldn’t have assumed. Again, it’s a common challenge. Here are 2 quick changes to get rid of grey areas
Bin Words: Words like: things, stuff, more…can have multiple meanings. As I say, You can get a lot of “stuff” in “things”. They are like big bins that many meanings can be placed in. Replace a broad statement like, “We need to work on communication” with a specific statement, “We need to work on not cutting each other off when we talk".
Ask: Take the pressure off - yourself. Don’t guess or assume. Ask. What do you mean by: we need to fix up the yard or spend more time together. “If you guess you might be right, if you ask you will know.”
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Have a great week! Hope to see you Monday night at 7 (for an hour). Register Now: https://www.elevateyourmarriage.com/about-this-time-next-year-webinar
Edward