018 Stop Money Fights

3 minute read that will bless your marriage all week.

The Big 3 of Marital Challenge is Communication, Intimacy & Money. Each present their own challenges…

I can’t tell you exactly why it is, but people that study marriage much more than I do, say Financial Infidelity (FI is having unknown credit cards, secret money or in general financial secrets) carries an emotional strain & can be as devastating as finding out there is another him or her on the side. 🤷🏾

It is that serious, the emotions of money fights can really drive a wedge between a husband and wife. So a few years ago I developed what I call Financial 10 Commandments, they are a way couples can stop/avoid 20 years of fighting about money by quickly identifying & sharing their money hot spots.

Cause, whether we realize it or not, we all have hot spots or red lines when it comes to money. Like, for my wife, it’s BANK FEES. I learned early on, Thou shall not have bank fees, was 1 of my wife’s Financial 10 Commandments. Problem was, it wasn’t spelled out so it took years and many arguments for me to finally get the point. To me, if I needed $20 I didn’t care where I got it from…so a $2 fee here or there, who cares - was my thought {20 years ago}. [Thank God for ApplePay & digital wallets]

For me, top of my list is a Financial Plan. In addition to ministry, I have worked in Finance & Accounting for >30 years. Haha, I got my 1st Wall Street Journal subscription when I was in 8th grade. So spreadsheets, tight budget, scrutinizing to the penny - I love it, we gotta have a plan.

2 Points: Not that these things weren’t important to the the other person, it’s that #1 they just weren’t as important. Your spouse wasn’t raised in same house w/same experiences as you, #2 b/c of the first one, we didn’t know how important it was to each other. Once I knew bank fees were on her list, I stopped using ATM’s all over town.

Create Your Own: Avoid the pain, spell it out! This week, identify & share your own Financial 10 Commandments with each other.

Tip: (1) rarely does a couple actually create 10 “commandments”, but the few that you identify are going to strengthen your marriage. (2) create lists individually, then set a time and date to discuss and combine into 1 list as a couple. See example graphic below

Want your own blank Financial 10 Commandments PDF? Download here

Creating Financial 10 Commandments is just a first step, it won’t solve all your money challenges, but it will be a BIG STEP to effectively communicating and addressing financial distress.

Verse of the Week: 1 of my favorite on financial planning. Read & talk about it…

Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer
 and gathers her food in harvest.How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man. Proverbs 6:6-11

That’s it! Have a great week! I am praying for your marriage.

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