015 David & Michal Pt3 Does our Past Hurt our Marriage Present?

3 minute read that will bless your marriage all week

Until we disconnect from what we have been connected to, our connection with our spouse will continue to be dis—-connected. Edward Lee

There is something about the marriage of David and Michal that has really helped me in my own marriage. While their story starts in 1 Samuel 18 and ends in 2 Samuel 6, only 1x is Michal ever referred to as David’s wife [ 1 Samuel 19:11], but roughly 10x’s she’s referred to in some way as Saul’s daughter, most notably as, Michal the Daughter of Saul. Surely there might be some cultural things going on there, but even when compared to other couples and just people in general in the Bible - it’s odd to repeatedly refer to David’s wife as her father’s daughter but not his wife.

What I’ve taken from the repeated references of David’s wife as Michal the Daughter of Saul is, Michal continued to be more her father’s daughter than she ever was her husband’s wife. She never disconnected from her dad and her inability to disconnect from who she was, as the king’s daughter, in the past prevented her from being David’s wife in their present. Legit cultural, political and/or emotional reasons may have existed for why she stayed connected to her father however, the damage it did to their marriage is unmistakeable in 2 Samuel 6.

When David came home to bless his family, she met him outside on the doorstep with a little something to say:

And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants' female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”

2 Samuel 6:20

And David quickly understood Michal’s angry accusation as having to do, not with him, but with her connection to her father:

And David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the Lord—and I will celebrate before the Lord. 2 Samuel 6:21

See, even though Saul had died by that point, the space created by his “external pressure” continued to weigh on David and Michal’s relationship.

Here’s the point: Space in marriage, separates and that separation strains until it either succeeds at keeping a couple separate or is addressed and removed.

The Bible makes clear what happened to David and Michal [Read Part 1 and Part 2]. We know the source was her father king Saul’s jealousy. We know space was then created when Saul’s armed guards entered their home and David left Michal behind to run for his life. We know that from the space created, what started as love ended up as despise.

What now about your own relationship? Wherever it comes from, whatever causes it and whatever it is doing, how are you addressing points of space/distance/separation in your marriage?

Questions David & Michal help me ask & pray through in MY marriage: 

What in our past is impacting our marriage - today?

What am I, like Michal, still connected to that hinders my connection with my spouse?

Not questions to for me to provide answers for, instead these are questions to ask in prayer. The Lord knows what we don’t. So ask! Lord where is my connection to the past impacting me/us today.

Here are some places to look for space in your own marriage. 

1. Money - money secrets, distance and evasiveness

2. Communication - half answers, omitted details, hesitation to open up

3. Quality Time - Too busy to spend time and Oh those cell phones!

4. Sex Life - resist, argue or avoid altogether

5. Decision Making - the Lord is my shepherd I can do what I want

6. Individual Work/Goal Priorities - I want, I need, I am going…

Really, the list is endless but the fix to getting rid of space in your marriage comes down to consistently centering your marriage in Christ.

1. Prayer Time (download the free Prayer Menu)

2. Devotions Daily

3. Read the Bible Together

4. Designated Talk/Listen Time

Learn from David and Michal there are no shortage of people and circumstances placing demands on your marriage to meet objectives that don’t align with God’s objective for your marriage.  Ask the Lord to identify, then help you close the gaps, the space in your marriage. 

Bonus Vid: [Dr Harold Arnold - on Need for Daily Devotions]

Thanks for sharing the Elevate Your Marriage Newsletter with your friends and on social media - each week we reach and encourage more couples in the Lord. Keep sharing.

Edward Lee